Do a favor and don't ask for, or expect, one in return
by Richard Carlson
in his beautiful book 'Don't Sweat the Small Stuff...'
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This is a strategy that can help you practice integrating service into your life. It will show you how easy it is and how good it feels to do something nice for someone without expecting anything in return.
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So often, either consciously or unconsciously, we want something from others, especially when we have done something for them - "I cleaned the bathroom, she should clean the kitchen." Or, "I took care of her child last week, she should offer this week." It's almost as though we keep score of our own good deeds rather than remembering that giving is its own reward.
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When you do something nice for someone, just to do it, you'll notice (if you're quiet enough inside yourself) a beautiful feeling of ease and peace. Just as vigorous exercise releases endorphins in your brain that make you feel good physically, your acts of loving-kindness release the emotional equivalent. Your reward is the feeling you receive in knowing that you participated in an act of kindness. You don't need something in return or even a "thank you." In fact, you don't even need to let the person know what you have done.
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What interferes with this peaceful feeling is our expectation of reciprocity. Our own thoughts interfere with our peaceful feelings as they clutter our minds, as we get caught up in what we think we want or need. The solution is to notice your "I want something in return" thoughts and gently dismiss them. In the absence of these thoughts, your positive feelings will return.
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See if you can think of something really thoughtful to do for someone, and don't expect anything in return - whether it's surprising your spouse with a clean garage or organized desk, mowing your neighbor's lawn, or coming home early from work to give your spouse a break from the kids. When you complete your favor, see if you can tap into the warm feeling of knowing you have done something really nice without expecting anything from the person you have just helped. If you practice, I think you'll discover that the feelings themselves are reward enough.
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